I can intellectualize with the best of them, but actually putting ideas into practice is difficult for me.  I was putzing around in my studio with a painting that I thought I should modify.  I wanted to put it up where I took a TV down.  I get so keyed into whether the painting will be something that's "good" that it never really occurred to me that I could just mess around with the paint. It reminds me of a painting I did for my daughter so she could cover up her electrical panel.  It's just a bunch of blobs and dots and in colors I rarely use (greys).  It was fun. This is kind of the same; it's to put on my kitchen wall, not enter into a contest.  So, I'm going to try and have fun with it and will finish the last of the close up ocean paintings another day.   

You know, we sometimes act like it's not about winning.  We are doing something to: get closure, come to terms with, for the competition, see what we are capable of, keep our head in the game, etc.  But what it really comes down to is that we all want to win.  Some of us more than others, but I'm willing to admit that what I really want is to win.  I see parents and their "a trophy for everyone" practice and I support the idea behind the effort.  However, unless we change our human condition, I don't think it's going to work. 

I actually am doing OK painting in the new space.  It's not ideal, but once I'm use to something it's fine.  It helps that the painting I'm working on is going much better.  Here's a wierd thing; I've slept well for the last 7 nights.  I have had trouble sleeping for the past 6 or 7 years and I think this may be a first.  Of course, I'm looking for all the reasons why this is happening.  What I've come up with makes about as much sense as anything else; I've been eating mangos at every dinner.  I just hope it keeps on happening and I will keep eating mangos just in case.  

I attempted to paint today.  It's the first time in a new space.  The light isn't very good and it's kind of tight in there. I know these are just excuses because I've painted in better, and in worse.  It's going to take some getting use to.  For one thing, it's carpeted.  I put canvases down on the floor and it's cushy, but weird.  The sink is for a bathroom and it doesn't feel very utilitarian.  I don't have a routine down yet and it's all discombobulated. It was not a very positive experience and the painting I'm working on just seems to get worse.  Maybe I will have to start something completely new.  I can just add this one to the huge pile of unfinished canvases.  Believe me, there are a lot.

I had a professor at the U of O who encouraged us to spend time in our studios.  She said we didn't necessarily have to paint, but we should just be in there doing whatever.  (I think I've already written about this, but who can remember or wants to go back and read my old entries?)  Anyway, she said if we spent enough time in there we would eventually paint.  So, I'm taking that to heart.  I drug a painting out of the many I have stacked up and decided to hang in by my back door.  It didn't have the edges painted (which I started doing when the cost of framing became so prohibitive) and so I decided to do that.  My studio is not really very workable since I moved, but I did have decent lighting put in.  Long story, longer, I had to tighten the easel (why do Europeans have to use 17 different tools to make something?), and organize to get it done.   I enjoyed the time I spent in there and so did the cat.  Maybe I will finish that painting that's almost done.

Here's another bit of self knowledge; I'm basically a lazy perfectionist.  I don't know if it's the perfectionism that prevents me from starting or the laziness.